The Fool's Gold

Once upon a time there was a tiny gnome named Fonrick who lived beneath the rugged garden wall of a great castle. He had enjoyed his position in the royal gardens for many years and had seen several generations of kings come to the throne. He had always maintained a good relationship with the rulers of this little kingdom and the kitchen staff depended on him to scout out the best vegetables for the king’s table. Fonrick was comfortable and fat and raised a lovely little family of gnomes over the years.

It was this, in fact, that proved to be the source of the Fonrick’s problems. When the little gnome’s youngest son, Nerrick, was just a hundred summers old, he set out to find his own garden in the world. Just as he was setting up a new home at a small cottage he had found, a crotchety old gardener named Haruld discovered him. Haruld was of the school that considered garden gnomes to be common pests, and was determined to drown the Nerrick. In fear for his life, Nerrick began begging and ultimately arrived at reciting his family heritage and lineage. When Haruld heard that Nerrick’s family lived beneath the wall of the castle gardens, the cagey old man hesitated.

“Ah,” he thought. “Perhaps this little gnome could have his uses.” He placed Nerrick in a bucket and put a plank over it while he contemplated the possibilities, for if there was anything more than crotchety that Haruld was, it was greedy. He sat at his table eating stale bread and drinking sour wine with his feet propped on top of the bucket and mused out loud.

“I suppose that being raised in the castle, you are wealthy,” he began. Nerrick was silent while listening. “Your family I suppose are still living at the castle and would hate to see anything happen to their little gnome,” he continued. “They would probably pay some of the king’s gold to keep you from coming to harm. Now if that gold were to find its way to me, I might be persuaded to let you stay in my garden. What do you say little gnome? Will you be my hostage for ransom or will you die in my well?”

Now Nerrick was truly panicked, for although his family was happy and had all they needed, they had never needed gold. They ate from the king’s garden and the king’s cook left them special sweets. Their home beneath the garden wall was snug and comfortable. None of Nerrick’s family in all their years had needed gold. But the little gnome knew that if he did not agree to the terms, he would be summarily executed. “Perhaps,” he thought, “if I agree to these terms I might find a way to escape.”

“Oh great and mighty master,” answered Nerrick. “If I could just go to my family, I would take your demands and bring you the gold you seek. Then we could live in peace and harmony in your garden.”

“What do you take me for, gnome?” huffed the old man. “If I let you go, you would never come back and I would have neither gold nor the pleasure of drowning you! I shall take you on a leash to the home of your parents and we shall make the demands together.” With that the greedy gardener fashioned a small leash of leather, took the board off the bucket, and before Nerrick could gasp for breath had the leash fastened around his neck.

The poor gnome was led thus to the castle walls and in his humiliation was forced to call out to his family. “Father, father,” Nerrick cried. “Your son has come to visit. Please come outside the castle wall to speak with me.”

Not knowing what had happened to his son, Fonrick slipped through his back door to see why he had been called. When he saw his son with a leash around his neck he was filled with fury. “What is the meaning of this? Why have you shackled my son and brought him thus to my door?” Fonrick demanded.

“Your son was trespassing on my property,” said Haruld. “I have come to demand ransom for him. You must bring me five gold pieces or I shall drown your son in my well.”

“And if I bring you gold?” asked Fonrick, smelling a foul odor in the man’s offer.

“Why then, of course he will live beneath my garden wall as a free, rent-paying tenant,” responded Haruld.

Now neither Fonrick nor Haruld, nor even Nerrick believed for a moment that Nerrick would be free, for the desire for gold is a disease that consumes the heart, and Haruld had contracted the disease when Nerrick first mentioned the castle. But Fonrick had not lived to the age of 832 summers without gaining some knowledge and proving that he was clever enough to survive. So he answered the gardener.

“It shall be as you have demanded,” said Fonrick, chuckling.

“What do you find so funny?” demanded Haruld. Nerrick was terrified.

“Why that you demand so little,” answered Fonrick. “Here you have captured a gnome of the king’s household and yet all you want is a few pieces of gold.”

Now this truly gave Haruld pause. In his very small mind, five pieces of gold seemed like a king’s ransom. And, indeed, it was more by far than Fonrick actually had. But it started the greedy gardener thinking. If the gnome was worth five gold coins, of course he would be worth ten gold coins. And everyone knows that to a king twenty gold coins are no more noticeable than ten. If he could get twenty gold coins from the king, why he could get fifty, or even…

“I demand one hundred gold coins ransom for this royal gnome’s ransom,” boldly declared Haruld the gardener. Everywhere he looked he could see gold. He imagined himself riding down the street on his proud horse graciously tossing copper coins to the peasants who bowed before him. He would build himself a new house and a larger garden and enslave thousands of gnomes to tend it so he would never have to work again. All this flashed through his mind as Fonrick’s eyes squinted shut. The gardener saw the expression and knew he had gotten the best of the little gnome, but in fact Fonrick was trying hard to control his laughter. At last he was able to open his eyes and calmly address Haruld.

“You have the best of me, master gardener,” said Fonrick. “Indeed I would pay any amount to save my son, but for such a man as you, I would do even more. Your wisdom and shrewdness has brought me to confess to you that you should rule a kingdom.”

This startled Haruld even more, but the idea instantly took root in his mind and he pictured himself sleeping in the castle with waiters bringing food and wine for him. “Indeed,” he said wistfully, “but first I must have gold.”

“I can show you where there is more gold than the mind can fathom. I have lived in this garden for eight centuries, and I have watched the kings carefully. They are all fools. For generations they have stashed their gold and precious jewels in a cave on the other side of the mountain. Unknown to them, I have stowed away in their wagons on nights under the dark moon when they visited their treasure trove. The king lives in poverty here compared to what he could have. He could pave the streets in gold and sleep on a golden bed, drive a golden carriage and eat from golden plates with the gold in that treasury. And I will show you where this treasure is stored.”

Haruld sat back on the ground grasping his heart. His cunning had paid off. He would be unimaginably rich. Then he would drown this gnome and all the others in his family so there would be no witness to his theft. It remained only to follow Fonrick to the king’s treasure cave.

Now Fonrick was 832 summers old and had not always lived under the garden wall of the castle. For a gnome, he had traveled far and seen strange things. One of those things was a dragon. He had followed the trail of the dragon for weeks until he had found it asleep in its cave high above the river valley on the other side of the mountain. There he had seen the dragon’s vast wealth, gathered into a nest on which the dragon slept at night. But Fonrick was a gnome, not a dwarf. He had little or no interest in such wealth. The adventure of seeing a dragon was all the reward that he wanted for his efforts. And so he had told no one about the dragon and its cave of riches in hundreds of years.

He advised the gardener to bring his wagon and carthorse to the city gate the next morning, and he and his son would show Haruld the way to the cave of riches. Haruld was just canny enough to think at the last minute that he had better keep Nerrick securely in hand until the wealth had been delivered, so the poor boy soon found himself back in the bucket as Haruld slept with his feet on the board.

The next morning Fonrick met his son and the gardener at the city gate and they set out for the mountain. It was a long trip, but Fonrick kept Haruld’s interest by giving him details of the kind of wealth they would find. At long last, they reached the cave. Haruld lit a torch and proceeded inside. All was silent, but as soon as he was deep in the cave, the light of the torch fell upon the gold. Even Fonrick’s tales had not prepared the gardener for such a sight. He waded into gold vessels, plates, coins, and jewelry up to his waist. He bathed in his prize and laughed insanely, throwing gold up over his head and letting it rain down upon him. At long last, exhausted by his celebration, Haruld collapsed on the piled wealth and fell fast asleep. As soon as he was asleep, Fonrick freed his son and led him quietly away from the cave and back down the mountain the way they had come.

The greedy gardener was never heard of again.

Before they had reached the kingdom, however, just as the moon was rising, they saw the silhouette of a dragon winging across the skies headed toward the cave. We don’t know what happened to Haruld. Perhaps the dragon killed him when he was found on the treasure. Perhaps there was no dragon and Haruld simply refused to leave the treasure again. Or, perhaps while lying on the dragon’s nest of gold, thinking dragonish thoughts, the greedy fool was transformed into the dragon himself.
But for many years since that fateful night, travelers along the river below have heard insane laughter in the middle of the night and swear they’ve heard the echo calling “I’m rich!”

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